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Some suggestions for giving and receiving helpful feedback

                      (this blog post is freely downloadable as a Word doc and as a PDF file)

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor."      Dr. Alexis Carrel

"It is a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away."     Robert Pirsig

"There are people who live their whole lives on the default settings, never realizing you can customize."        Robert Brault

Lessons from a personal multi-source feedback project

"A friend is someone who sees the potential in you and helps you to live it."     W. B. Yeats (adapted)

"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger."    Franklin Jones

A few months ago now, I initiated a personal feedback project.  It was triggered by a number of factors.  I was soon to start the third part of an Emotion-Focused Therapy training and was interested in possibly using myself as "a case study" for the course; I had received some quite surprising & confronting feedback from a friend and I wondered how idiosyncratic or widespread his viewpoint might be; I had been encouraging feedback in groups that I run and I wanted to explore this more deeply; and finally I'm in a very good position to ask for & receive honest, thoughtful feedback from a broad social circle.

Going back for a university reunion: emotional archaeology unearths a treasure trove of insights & new directions (6th post)

This is the sixth and final blog post about going back to my old university for a reunion dinner.  I wrote three posts last month and a further couple earlier this month.  In the first post of the series, I said: "I've never been back for any kind of reunion before ... not to school, not to university, not to medical college. Why not ... and why am I going back now?  I'm a medical doctor, but primarily I work as a psychotherapist ... as a specialist in stress, health & wellbeing.

Going back for a university reunion: self-esteem, hallucinogens, wonder & the transpersonal (4th post)

"Who will prefer the jingle of jade pendants if he once has heard stone growing in a cliff?"  Lao Tzu

"To stand and stare, to watch the rising sun, fills me with such calm happiness, I am sure I have
dwindled away too much time on inessentials." 
Diana Gault (when dying of cancer)

Going back for a university reunion: emotional intelligence, group work & learning to relate more deeply (3rd post)

"God guard me from those thoughts men think in the mind alone; he that sings a lasting song, thinks in a marrow bone."     W. B. Yeats

"We camouflage our true being before others to protect ourselves against criticism or rejection.  This protection comes at a steep price.  When we are not truly known by the other people in our lives, we are misunderstood.  When we are misunderstood, especially by family and friends, we join the 'lonely crowd.'  Worse, when we succeed in hiding our being from others, we tend to lose touch with our real selves.  This loss of self contributes to illness in its myriad forms."         Sidney Jourard

Going back for a university reunion: reconstructing our personal stories (2nd post)

"Those who do not have the power over the story that dominates their lives - the power to retell it, reexperience it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change - truly are powerless because they cannot think new thoughts"     Salman Rushdie

I wrote a first post a few days ago entitled "Going back for a university reunion: stirring up memories, avoidant attachment, "puffing up" and kindness (1st post)".  I mentioned psychiatry professor Irvin Yalom's suggestion that going back to reunions like this can stir up material that can be chewed over to yield helpful new insights.  It's happening.  And I'm encouraging it to.

Going back for a university reunion: stirring up memories, avoidant attachment, "puffing up" and kindness (1st post)

"The spirit of a man is constructed out of his choices."      Irvin Yalom

"I expect to pass through life but once.  If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being,
let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."
        William Penn

In about a month's time I'm scheduled to go back to my old university for a reunion.  I've never been back for any kind of reunion before ... not to school, not to university, not to medical college.  Why not ... and why am I going back now?

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