So here I am bright & early on the first full day of a ten-day personal retreat at the Krishnamurti Study Centre in Hampshire.  Why?  Well I was conscious of three intertwining reasons when I booked this time away several months ago.  One is about doing & being, another about awareness, and the third is about getting a perspective on my life.  And who knows, maybe I will be surprised by other reasons that emerge during my stay here.

"Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was but vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible."    T. E. Lawrence

In a recent post - "A project to change long-term interpersonal patterns: at a residential group" - I described a fairly classic example of the sort of tangle I can sometimes get into interpersonally (probably especially in group therapy environments), where others may see me as judgemental, a bit condescending, over-dominant and fairly invulnerable. Besides this being territory that I want personally to understand better and change, I hope that this kind of exploration can illuminate the tricky challenge of changing longterm patterns for others who are interested in this kind of work ... either as "general public" or as "psychotherapists".

"A friend is someone who sees the potential in you and helps you to live it."     W. B. Yeats (adapted)

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor."      Dr. Alexis Carrel

I have just got back from a rather wonderful two week holiday in Kerala with my wife, Catero.  It was very special ... and one of the interesting spin-offs was the perspective one can get looking back at one's everyday life typically played out over 5,000 miles away.  I'm immensely lucky ... happily married, close to our children & grandchildren, healthy, blessed with precious friends, and committed to work that's a vocation more than a job.  Of course, old age, illness and death lie in wait for me and for those I love.  Of course this sunlit period of our lives is temporary.  And that can make it all the sweeter ... see, for example, Frias's study "Death reflection enhances gratitude".

Needs-Beliefs-Behaviours

See too Nissen-Lie et al's "Patient and therapist perspectives on alliance development: Therapists' practice experiences as predictors" with its finding about the toxic effects on client rated therapeutic alliance produced by the "leaking" of unspoken critical therapist. 

"Humble warmth" "Therapist predictors of early patient-rated working alliance: A multilevel approach"

Pre-session 'meditation' on client strengths & resources.  Compassion work.

Work on compassion both for self and for others and its effects on self-esteem ... and note too the benefits of "saying turquoise" and other emotional intelligence aspects.

In her wonderful poem "The summer day", Mary Oliver wrote:

Yesterday we had the final morning of the 'long weekend' three day Scottish Mixed Group.  I have already written posts about arriving, and the first and the second full days.  This was the fourth year that we had met for these annual get-togethers that run from Friday evening to Monday lunchtime; and several of us from the group have also met for an occasional full day workshop during the year between residentials.

I have been involved with interpersonal group work since being blown away by my first experience at a weekend workshop way back in 1972.  Although I was pretty much a paid-up hippie at the time (and a medical student as well), I had little experience of people deeply & honestly stating how they were genuinely feeling.  70's encounter groups sometimes seemed to err on letting it all hang out a bit too much for participants' own good; they were certainly however a gale of fresh air blowing through my buttoned-up upbringing.  By the end of that first weekend, I knew this was something I very much wanted to explore a lot further.

Last September I went back to Cambridge for a reunion ... the first time I'd ever been back to school or university for such a thing.  It was an experiment in "emotional archaeology" and I wrote a series of blog posts about it.  At one stage I experimented with a dialogue between the 22 year old and the current 62 year old versions of me.  In the post "Going back for a university reunion: self-esteem, hallucinogens, wonder & the transpersonal", I wrote "I changed subject too from philosophy to medicine (in 1970).